Too many women and birthing people may find sex painful, often associated with their pregnancy-related pelvic floor damage from labour or pelvic floor problems. If you have previously found sex painful, you may be more fearful of it happening again which can also affect your libido, along with the impact of chronic pain and managing pregnancy/young children.
While we know that this issue can affect a lot of women, we also recognise it's not always easy to talk about.
Pelvic NI held a workshop in May 2023 to explore issues related to painful sex, facilitated by qualified sex therapist and Pelvic NI clinical supervisor, Dr. Siobhan Murphy. As well as raising any issues that affected us, we also asked our service users what issues affected them to shape our conversation.
Related Information
Pelvic Floor Damage and Painful Sex
Understanding Pelvic Floor Damage-Related Intimate Pain
We had some questions from women with pelvic floor damage who find it hard to be intimate with their partners. Firstly we discussed how sex doesn't have to mean penetration and how important it is to communicate with your partner and explore with them what can work for you, especially when you are in pain or are worried about aggravating your pelvic floor damage.
Helpful Positions
Finding a good position is also really important; what has worked for you in the past may no longer be the best position if you are experiencing pelvic floor damage. Try to find a position that reduces pressure on your hips and pelvis, such as:
- lying on your side if comfortable for your hips,
- you on top so you can manage the speed and depth,
- from behind, possibly when lying on your side, or
- standing (if you have something to hold on to).
Remember that it is never too late to seek treatment for pelvic floor damage through the NHS. Learn about getting treatment
Pelvic Floor and Painful Sex
Pelvic Floor Dysfunction
Many women who find sex painful may also be experiencing pelvic floor problems, especially a tight, overactive or hypertonic pelvic floor which can make penetrative sex painful. This is where your pelvic floor muscles are too tight and cause your vagina to stay tense or tight. For example, the symptoms for pelvic floor problems are similar to vaginismus (often what women with painful sex are diagnosed with so it is often worth getting a second opinion if you're in this position).
You can find more information about pelvic floor problems by contacting our support team or visiting our help resources
Getting treatment for an overactive pelvic floor can make a big difference to your sexual experiences. Finding the right position can also make a big difference, e.g. you being on top in penetrative sex can help ensure you are more in control.
Helpful Tools
Professional Support & Tools
Seeing an experienced manual therapist for pelvic floor damage treatment and a specialist pelvic floor physiotherapist for pelvic floor issues can make a big difference to your physical symptoms and your sex life.
Recommended Tools
Pelvic floor physiotherapists also highly recommend different tools, including:
- Water or oil based lubricants (such as YES lube)
- Silicone dilators or sex toys to help you train your pelvic floor muscles
Further Support
Additional Support Options
Although it's often not easy to talk about, we know many women may find sex painful, especially after having pelvic floor damage.
If you are experiencing painful sex, we would encourage you to contact a representative from the Northern Ireland Association of Relationship and Sex Therapists to find out more about sex and relationship therapy.